Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
