I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
