I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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