the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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