So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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