I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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