If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize