Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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