I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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