We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
