Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
