dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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