I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last time i carry you out of a forest
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
