I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Enjoy the penises
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
