Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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