If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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