I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
