The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
