I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
