FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
