I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
