mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
