Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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