'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
