At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
