Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
