Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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