Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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