i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize