I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
