He had one of those small greek statue penises
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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