Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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