I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you inspire me to be a worse person
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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