her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
