I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
