i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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