He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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