just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
