I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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