I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
