Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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