I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
