im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
