how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My penis needs a shock collar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
