You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
