Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
