So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
