I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
