so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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