You smell like stripper and shame
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
