How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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