You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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