mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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