i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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