there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
