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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Well thats $24,000 well spent.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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• (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  whatd she say to you?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  *6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*

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