bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
