No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
