The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He? As in you personified your dick?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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