i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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