Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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