There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize