My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
