If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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