can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
