When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
