OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I puked a lego.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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