When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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