I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
