I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize