When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
