yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
