I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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